Thoughts on Me…

I haven’t written for a while. And that’s probably because a lot of my thoughts lately have been about either specific individuals in my life (and they were not thoughts for the blog) or about myself (because I’m a narcissist). However, I developed the sudden urge to give you, reader, a peek into a different part of my mind. The part that I call the Me Center.

A few things. I’m a full-time music student and a part-time bank teller. I live at home (yay rent-free living space). I am the only liberal in a conservative family and probably one of the few liberals in the area (this is the Midwest, after all). I don’t call myself a Democrat because I don’t believe in a strictly two-party system and I hate that my state makes you pick a Republican or Democrat ballot in the primaries. I am neither and therefore do not want to vote straight-party. I also believe that I should dictate where my federal tax dollars go, specifically to PBS and the National Endowment for the Arts. I also feel that Illinois politicians need to stop getting pay checks so we can fund things that are kind of important, like SCHOOLS. This is getting really political. I’ll switch subjects.

I love coffee. I wrote a whole post about it. I actually spent three hours writing a paper in Free Press tonight. It was great. Relaxed atmosphere. Amazing food. Best honey vanilla lattes ever.

I love music, in case you couldn’t tell by my major. I sing, play French Horn and play, like, four chords on the piano. I’m also convinced that I could fake it till I make it on the trumpet. Don’t ask why. I have a recital in a week. I am not prepared for it. I also have a choir concert in a week. I’m not prepared for that either. Oops.

I could easily walk around downtown Springfield all day. I love architecture. I take pictures of random buildings and my friends probably think I’m nuts because of it. It’s just a thing that makes me happy. I love the city. I love buildings and busy streets and people. I don’t necessarily like interacting with people. But I like watching them walk past and I wonder what’s happening in their heads, where they’re coming from, where they’re going. Don’t get me wrong, I love open spaces and forests and rivers and nature stuff. But there’s just something about the city. It makes me feel like I’m home.

I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. I keep changing my mind. I think part of it is because there’s a lot of change going on in my life right now. Some of it was anticipated, some of it blindsided me a bit. One of my biggest struggles lately has been accepting these changes for what they are. I don’t like not having control of situations. I also have a really hard time saying goodbye. I’ve actually stopped saying that word all together. ‘Goodbye’ sounds so permanent. I hate the idea of not seeing someone again. Especially if it’s someone I love. ‘See ya later’ is a common phrase for me. I’m also working on saying ‘I love you’ more, especially to my friends. Because I do love them. And they probably know it. But I feel like these words need to be said aloud. I don’t know why.

I need to start working out more. Specifically, doing yoga more. In my yoga practice, I’ve found a new connection with God. It’s a unique time. I’m able to release the tension in both my body and my soul. I’ve stopped doing yoga in the past month or so because I’ve been busy. And I have been busy. But I’ve also had opportunities to get back into my practice and I didn’t take them. And I’m disappointed in myself. This weekend I’m hoping to both purge my room of unneeded items and de-clutter my soul through yoga.

I think that’s everything. Those have been some of my main thoughts lately. Oh, and I can’t decide if I want a tattoo or not. I want one, but I have no tolerance for pain. I’m so indecisive.

Thanks for tolerating my narcissism. If anyone has some advice/thoughts for me, please leave comment. I’d love to hear from you!

End of thought.